God never changes His mind. About six years ago, I began to feel a passion for ministry. A couple years later, after attempting to pursue the pastor/youth pastor route, I decided to step towards the missionary route. This felt more like me. So, I started talking to friends of mine who have done mission trips, and I heard some wild stories. Some were enticing, but most were deterring. I heard about the dangers, the threat of the wildlife, the living circumstances, and all the vaccinations I’d have to get prior to departure. All of these stories threw me off guard because I was expecting to hear nothing other than how wonderfully present and active Jesus was in these places.
Nevertheless, there were several people at my college who went on the World Race, so I decided to check it out. I hit the apply button, but as soon as I saw that I’d have to raise just short of $20k and I’d be gone for 11 months, that was the final straw. I was like, “seriously, God? I get all excited about mission work and then you throw all these barriers at me?” Thank you God for your endless patience with me and my tantrums.
From that point on, I did my best to stop thinking about mission trips. I figured God would probably change His mind if I kept putting it off and saying no. Over the last four years, my mind completely walked away from it, but my heart never did. I believe God placed in me, and in all of us, a desire for something more. That ‘more’ is not the quantity kind. He gives us the desire for more, and He gives us the ability to pursue it. My journey has been discovering what that ‘more’ is for me, and I tried everything I could get my hands on. I took on new hobbies like guitar, piano, photography and archery. I took on new responsibilities like children’s ministry, youth ministry, camp counselor and team leader. I took on more volunteer opportunities and began to financially partner with non-profit organizations.
I did everything I could to satisfy this tug on my heart. All of these things were good. Yet, God’s plans for my life are far greater for me than to be able to just reach out and get my hands on. If I could just grab onto it myself, I wouldn’t need His far-reaching love. It’s like when your parents leave the cookie jar on the top shelf. I can see the jar, but no matter what I do, I can’t reach it without their help and if I want their help, I have to ask for it and get their permission.
I spent a lot of time trying to get the cookies without asking for help. I’ve had this craving on my heart, so I gave up reaching for the cookie jar and I walked to the pantry to find other snacks. They were good snacks, but none of them quite satisfied like a chocolate chip cookie. Two weeks ago, I had enough of this striving for things that will never fulfill. I finally looked up to my Father and asked, “will you satisfy this tug on my heart?” Surely enough, I stumbled upon the World Race on a Facebook ad. I went to the website, hit apply, and looked at the fundraising amount of $18,700.
When I started an application in 2017, I was one of the Israelites of Saul’s army who looked at Goliath and saw a nine-foot tall giant wearing hundreds of pounds of armor. Two weeks ago, I saw this number and I recognized the Lord who is boundless. I realized that when you look at God before you look at your roadblocks, they become much smaller in perspective. I finished my application, and for the first time in years, this itch in my heart was satisfied. Since I applied, talking to others feels different, worship music sounds different, spending time in the Word hits differently, and praying soothes differently. It feels like God looked at me and said, “Good job, you took the first step! Now, let’s keep going.”
My heart is to serve others. That’s not a boastful statement, rather an acknowledgement of what God has placed in me. This mission trip is where God is leading me to make the most of what He has given me. I know there’s no better time than now to serve the Lord, and there’s no better time than now to serve his people. I may see Earth as a huge world full of strangers, but God sees it as one really big neighborhood. It’s time I get to know my neighbors who feel unknown, to serve the ones who have not been served, to see the ones who feel unseen, and to love the ones who feel unloved.
